ok so i've started writting 4 different times this morning and they've all turned out to be complain-fests so i'm choosing not to publish any of them. sure there will always be crap hitting the fan in one form or another but in those times where seriously all i can do is think of the things we're lacking or what's gone wrong in the day, it's time to push myself to change my thinking. there is so much good. i can't let it just all pass by and not be noticed because of the few pieces of crap that has hit the fan.
growing up i was the girl that never wanted to babysit. i took the babysitting course because my mom said it would be a good idea and really when you're 12 you just do whatever your parents make you do. haha. so after the babysitting course i avoided babysitting like the plague. but we went to a church at the time and of course there were families with kids that needed a babysitter. i would always avoid all child related situations. i didn't want really any reason to have to hang out with little kids. one day a couple asked my mom (not me) if i could babysit for them and of course because my mom thought it was a good idea there i landed up babysitting. see well that right there. those two kids who were pretty well behaved and easy to entertain and get along with sealed the deal. i did not want to have kids. that was it. cut and dry. plain and simple. when i was at bible college there was a missions trip we could choose to go on for a month after school was out. i chose India. i love to travel and india was somewhere i always have wanted to and still want to go to. India got cancelled and my destination was changed to Hungary. the objective of the trip was to primarily work with children. OY! let me say it again for you, OY! so there i was. i loved those kids and somehow on that trip was a kid magnet. Still no wanting of the offspring. nope not me. getting married my husband knew i didn't want to have kids. i said sure who knows maybe one day but really i don't want them and don't think it's for me. i mean there are those people that just have that 'i'm a mom gene'. i didn't find myself to be one of those people. so we got married and there weren't any offspring plans. i was really lucky in making these choices and feeling this way about not wanting to be a mom that no one bugged me about it. no one was pressuring asking when the time would come or saying how nice it would be to have grand-babies etc etc. pretty much they let me be. it was about just before being married for a year a light switch went on in me. i wanted to have kids. two exactly. no more and no less and i would like to be done having them before i turned 30. there it was plain and simple. still no huge desire to be a mom or any clue how to do anything with babies/children (when wyatt was born i didn't know how to change a diaper and phil had to teach me how). after having a miscarriage May 2009 we found out we were pregnant with Wyatt July 1 2009 & we found out MacKenzie was on her way Jan 4 2011. Here we are, two kids and I'm 29. every day motherhood scares the shit out of me but it is beyond my greatest joy. it is the toughest and the most rewarding i've ever been a part of. i pray they take the best of me and leave the rest behind. i pray they know they are loved and that they are capable of accomplishing everything they want to. my life is totally different than i ever thought it would be and i wouldn't change a thing. nope not a thing. thanks for choosing me as your mama my little monkeys.
xo KK
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