i constantly find myself watching Wyatt grow. it's like he's actually getting bigger right in front of my eyes and i'm noticing it. it's nuts. he's 8.5 months right now and the little quirks and characteristics he has blow me away.
the way he scrunches up his nose, knows his name when you talk to him, giggles, throws fits, cries and is fiercely strong willed. his little personality is getting richer. he's a character, a ham and a sweety heart flirt.
great mothers are created. it's loving your child enough to graciously watch them, let them go where they're curious about, taking them away from what will hurt them and letting them EXPLORE.
the explorations can be painful. the constant falling and hitting their head or bumping into things. it's part of the growing. as much as i'm sure there are a lot of parents who would call me crazy i don't stop him from everything, i don't always pick him up immediately....or i try not to anyways. i want him to grow. i want him to have a sense of indepenced and knowing a result from what he's doing. yup he's still a baby but he is quite the adventurer.
i have never loved anyone the way i love him. there's that something about him coming from me and essentially being pieces of me and phil.
please wyatt just take the best of us, add in you and your adventures and you my love are bound for greatness
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
manic
yesterday smacked me with a day of reflection
there was reflection on the good and on the tough
thinking of things that have come so far and those that are still so far behind
"eyebrows are the anchor to my face and good friends are the anchor to my soul" - me
oh and the waking up every 1.5 - 2 hours well that must be my anchor to the reality of being a mother...haha
i'm finding myself almost manic these days. manicly aware of everything. you know when you take that certain drug or drink and it makes your skin crawl...you can feel, smell and see everything and all things that aren't actually there too? my molehills are mountains and i'm in a holding tank. i am so thankful for my boys...they're really so good to me.
it takes great patience for phil to listen to my ramblings on at 330 in the morning because my mind is spilling and really i don't want to write it down.
as i grow i realize more and more that it is ok when things end. it's ok when a relationship ends, a friendship ends, when a love for a favorite band or food ends...things need to end for new ones to begin.
for those who've bit the dust in my life in the last few years....thank you. i've learnt from where we've been in the experience have been somewhat of a fertalizer of what's coming and what's here now. i'm a close friendship person. right up close in the face or nothing it seems. and i am blessed with those people in my face.
from undercuts
living in foreign lands
replacement hearts & hot yoga adventures
co-employees and seeming like sisters
coffee & wine....alot happens over spilt coffee and spilt wine
this has been a bit of a ramble but my head feels emptier now...so thanks
there was reflection on the good and on the tough
thinking of things that have come so far and those that are still so far behind
"eyebrows are the anchor to my face and good friends are the anchor to my soul" - me
oh and the waking up every 1.5 - 2 hours well that must be my anchor to the reality of being a mother...haha
i'm finding myself almost manic these days. manicly aware of everything. you know when you take that certain drug or drink and it makes your skin crawl...you can feel, smell and see everything and all things that aren't actually there too? my molehills are mountains and i'm in a holding tank. i am so thankful for my boys...they're really so good to me.
it takes great patience for phil to listen to my ramblings on at 330 in the morning because my mind is spilling and really i don't want to write it down.
as i grow i realize more and more that it is ok when things end. it's ok when a relationship ends, a friendship ends, when a love for a favorite band or food ends...things need to end for new ones to begin.
for those who've bit the dust in my life in the last few years....thank you. i've learnt from where we've been in the experience have been somewhat of a fertalizer of what's coming and what's here now. i'm a close friendship person. right up close in the face or nothing it seems. and i am blessed with those people in my face.
from undercuts
living in foreign lands
replacement hearts & hot yoga adventures
co-employees and seeming like sisters
coffee & wine....alot happens over spilt coffee and spilt wine
this has been a bit of a ramble but my head feels emptier now...so thanks
Sunday, September 12, 2010
A closed mouth and an open hand
ok so i'm learning that there are people programmed with the ability to listen to whatever you have to say no matter what you're going through, listen and find appropriate things to say or not and then there are those who aren't.
lately i seem to be running into the aren't. lets be real...family usually when it's comes to this throw all of the rules out of the window. the gloves are often off when they should be kept on. the thinking cap or filter is missing when that's what you really need. for me i see when it comes to things close to my heart i often keep my mouth shut or only open it to those who I know have found their gloves and hats.
yesterday was a great day but it was a bit of a doosy when it comes to people and their comments. it started with a dear loved one and i'm not being sarcastic hear because i know these things weren't said to hurt but they did....when you can still smell the mr.clean and their are comments on how dirty your house is...then we went to a restaurant and the manager basically implied that because we turned a highchair upside down and put Wyatt's car seat on it with him in it that we had no idea and were being unsafe and basically irresponsible parents...yup well that brought me a bit closer to the edge. most restaurants we go to suggest this because the darn car seat often doesn't fit anywhere...then there was the last straw..."is he sleeping through the night?" nope he's not i answer and then they go on to ask if i've read baby wise! Seriously I was loosing my grip at little bit at this point. Yes I've read the book...almost twice and no he doesn't sleep through the night. Thanks though. After all of those questions, comments and statements all day long we were driving home and Wyatt started to scream at the top of his lungs. I knew he had everything I could give him right then and that he was just tired but after everything that day i felt the collapse coming and i broke down in tears. Phil just knew and pulled over so I could get in the back with Wyatt. The moment I reached over and held his little hand he stopped crying and fell asleep. That's all it took.
Sometimes that's what we need. A closed mouth and an open hand
lately i seem to be running into the aren't. lets be real...family usually when it's comes to this throw all of the rules out of the window. the gloves are often off when they should be kept on. the thinking cap or filter is missing when that's what you really need. for me i see when it comes to things close to my heart i often keep my mouth shut or only open it to those who I know have found their gloves and hats.
yesterday was a great day but it was a bit of a doosy when it comes to people and their comments. it started with a dear loved one and i'm not being sarcastic hear because i know these things weren't said to hurt but they did....when you can still smell the mr.clean and their are comments on how dirty your house is...then we went to a restaurant and the manager basically implied that because we turned a highchair upside down and put Wyatt's car seat on it with him in it that we had no idea and were being unsafe and basically irresponsible parents...yup well that brought me a bit closer to the edge. most restaurants we go to suggest this because the darn car seat often doesn't fit anywhere...then there was the last straw..."is he sleeping through the night?" nope he's not i answer and then they go on to ask if i've read baby wise! Seriously I was loosing my grip at little bit at this point. Yes I've read the book...almost twice and no he doesn't sleep through the night. Thanks though. After all of those questions, comments and statements all day long we were driving home and Wyatt started to scream at the top of his lungs. I knew he had everything I could give him right then and that he was just tired but after everything that day i felt the collapse coming and i broke down in tears. Phil just knew and pulled over so I could get in the back with Wyatt. The moment I reached over and held his little hand he stopped crying and fell asleep. That's all it took.
Sometimes that's what we need. A closed mouth and an open hand
Friday, September 10, 2010
One of these things is not like the other....
and that thing is me...
so i've been toying with the idea of joining or well at least checking out a moms group here in Kelowna. i was figuring that something scheduled at the same time each week would be nice to look forward to, meet new people and get out of the house etc. now the reason i've been "toying" with this idea for so long is because i really hate meeting new people. it's not the new people i hate...it's the getting out there and not being shy, opening up my mouth and talking to people i don't know yet. now to some this could come as a great suprise...when i'm in a situation i can pull it out, be friendly, talk, have a good time etc but every second on the inside i'm somewhat dieing with trying not to be shy.
after some facebook internet creeping i found a group to check out and over the last 6 months of being a mom i've hummed and hawwed about it everytime i see the bi-weekly posts about what they're up to etc. this was the week! they said they were going for a walk downtown along the lake. I'm in! I do this often...I get a coffee, bust out the stroller and leasurely walk along the water. This sounds like the perfect fit for my first time of checking out the group. I show up this morning I hardly get out of my car and I see that these ladies are "limbering up". No seriously the are...the head to toe Lululemon, Nike and off road strollers made me want to get back in my car, pretend I didn't have a child there to take for a walk and drive away; but i didn't.
there I am...jeans, hoodie with a disgusting gross shirt underneath it and my moccassins. you know me...I wear basically slippers all the time. Well when I'm not wearing flip flops that is. So there I am ready for our what I think will be leasurly stroll along the lake. Nope it was more like a speed walk hike. I couldn't keep my coffee in the coffee holder on my stroller because it constantly kept spilling out all over A) the stroller and B) my hand. So I one hand pushed and one hand drank. So what to talk about with these ladies...BABIES! oh yes and working out, eating healthy, how anti non organic most of them were...don't eat anything or talk about eating anything...that's why we're speed walking... Ok let me pause for a second here. Ladies I didn't come on this walk today with the intention to burn calories...if I wanted to work out I'd go to the gym...which I probably should do but don't. Anyways then there was on to the bootcamp work out talk. Seriously?!?!?! Ok I understand my body has changed alot and I'm not in super condition but I am skinnier than before Wyatt was born and I'm stoked about that. Sure I'm stretched out and flabby but it'll come with time. I didn't think I was getting hooked into some hoof downtown. I'm sure that every stoner sitting underneath the trees toking up were laughing their asses off at us. Really at this point I would've rather sat down on the grass with them and relaxed.
but there's no quitting mid run now katie
so i figured why not talk about babies...harmless question "so does yours sleep through the night?" I asked that question to one lady 20 minutes into the walk and 45 minutes later when we were arriving at the park she was still talking about all her theories, schedules, books she had read, sleep therapy etc and no he does not sleep through the night. At that point when they were all heading off to "play at the park" I took my passed out 6 month old home.
As for that group of moms today...one of these things is not like the other and the other is me. Oh and don't worry people I don't think I'll be morphing into someone else any time soon
so i've been toying with the idea of joining or well at least checking out a moms group here in Kelowna. i was figuring that something scheduled at the same time each week would be nice to look forward to, meet new people and get out of the house etc. now the reason i've been "toying" with this idea for so long is because i really hate meeting new people. it's not the new people i hate...it's the getting out there and not being shy, opening up my mouth and talking to people i don't know yet. now to some this could come as a great suprise...when i'm in a situation i can pull it out, be friendly, talk, have a good time etc but every second on the inside i'm somewhat dieing with trying not to be shy.
after some facebook internet creeping i found a group to check out and over the last 6 months of being a mom i've hummed and hawwed about it everytime i see the bi-weekly posts about what they're up to etc. this was the week! they said they were going for a walk downtown along the lake. I'm in! I do this often...I get a coffee, bust out the stroller and leasurely walk along the water. This sounds like the perfect fit for my first time of checking out the group. I show up this morning I hardly get out of my car and I see that these ladies are "limbering up". No seriously the are...the head to toe Lululemon, Nike and off road strollers made me want to get back in my car, pretend I didn't have a child there to take for a walk and drive away; but i didn't.
there I am...jeans, hoodie with a disgusting gross shirt underneath it and my moccassins. you know me...I wear basically slippers all the time. Well when I'm not wearing flip flops that is. So there I am ready for our what I think will be leasurly stroll along the lake. Nope it was more like a speed walk hike. I couldn't keep my coffee in the coffee holder on my stroller because it constantly kept spilling out all over A) the stroller and B) my hand. So I one hand pushed and one hand drank. So what to talk about with these ladies...BABIES! oh yes and working out, eating healthy, how anti non organic most of them were...don't eat anything or talk about eating anything...that's why we're speed walking... Ok let me pause for a second here. Ladies I didn't come on this walk today with the intention to burn calories...if I wanted to work out I'd go to the gym...which I probably should do but don't. Anyways then there was on to the bootcamp work out talk. Seriously?!?!?! Ok I understand my body has changed alot and I'm not in super condition but I am skinnier than before Wyatt was born and I'm stoked about that. Sure I'm stretched out and flabby but it'll come with time. I didn't think I was getting hooked into some hoof downtown. I'm sure that every stoner sitting underneath the trees toking up were laughing their asses off at us. Really at this point I would've rather sat down on the grass with them and relaxed.
but there's no quitting mid run now katie
so i figured why not talk about babies...harmless question "so does yours sleep through the night?" I asked that question to one lady 20 minutes into the walk and 45 minutes later when we were arriving at the park she was still talking about all her theories, schedules, books she had read, sleep therapy etc and no he does not sleep through the night. At that point when they were all heading off to "play at the park" I took my passed out 6 month old home.
As for that group of moms today...one of these things is not like the other and the other is me. Oh and don't worry people I don't think I'll be morphing into someone else any time soon
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Cycle
I'm looking to find myself lately
Or is it really myself I'm looking to find?
The old me?
The new me?
Am I still me me?
It's been a few years of self exploration and change around here. I'm guessing this is a cycle that never stops. There are times when I'm more aware. There are times when I'm looking for the changes, looking for what stays the same or not looking at all. Everything looks different through very small amounts of sleep. Sure in a day I may get 8 hours of sleep but it's been split up into 3-4 different pieces and goodbye REM cycle. But just one look in his face and I know it's all worth it. It's the ultimate love. Not a falling in love sort of thing but a crazy deep love that only keeps getting deeper.
Most of the times I can tell what his cries mean. And being able to make him smile or lull him to sleep never stops flooding my heart and making me smile.
I'm me but I'm not. True friends will stick around and figure out who I am with me...others will fade away. It's just another one of those cycles.
Or is it really myself I'm looking to find?
The old me?
The new me?
Am I still me me?
It's been a few years of self exploration and change around here. I'm guessing this is a cycle that never stops. There are times when I'm more aware. There are times when I'm looking for the changes, looking for what stays the same or not looking at all. Everything looks different through very small amounts of sleep. Sure in a day I may get 8 hours of sleep but it's been split up into 3-4 different pieces and goodbye REM cycle. But just one look in his face and I know it's all worth it. It's the ultimate love. Not a falling in love sort of thing but a crazy deep love that only keeps getting deeper.
Most of the times I can tell what his cries mean. And being able to make him smile or lull him to sleep never stops flooding my heart and making me smile.
I'm me but I'm not. True friends will stick around and figure out who I am with me...others will fade away. It's just another one of those cycles.
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