the end of the boobie-milk train

as setting out with having both kids i really wanted to breastfeed them. i knew that like with anythng there was a possibility that it might not work out the way i wanted but with this i did. we hit a few speed bumps with both kids, mastitous (breast infection), both of them refusing to drink from a bottle (even breastmilk) and the occasional biting phase here and there, but generally it's worked out pretty great.

with knowing absolutely that after baby Mac was born that i was done having babies, i know this is the end of this part of motherhood for me. with W he was breastfed until almost a year and at that point i was already pregnant with Mac and way too exhausted to go on. That and i was done. i had this confidence and peace knowing that this part of our journey was over. i was proud knowing how far we made it with this and how much it had drawn us together and in my mind and heart we stopped at the perfect time. for baby Mac she is now over 13 months and I have that same peace and confidence in knowing we are done this part of our journey too. she doesn't want it or need it from me any more. We've been slowly weaning off for the last 2 months and last night was the last time. More than being bfed she wanted to sit on my lap, drink from a cup and snuggle before bed.

It's so bittersweet. it was amazing to have those moments and that experience together and i feel so blessed. I am also so proud of my kids that when we all knew it was the right time together we slowly stopped together. this time has been different with Mac than with W. I haven't had the crazy milk over production and pain. our bodies knew and we stopped together. and now it's on to the next part of our bond and child-parent journey together.

*side note.
i just want to quickly say a few things about the acceptance of people whether they choose to bfeed or not. honestly this second time around i felt more scrutiny from people that are HC bfeeders than those that were choosing formula. I say you do what you want with what you have and you know best what you want to do, need to do and when you're done. If you want / need to formula feed from day 1 all the power to you & if you want to bfeed till they're (insert persons age of choice here ;)) then all the power to you as well. i just think as moms we need to be kinder on eachother about these types of things. mothering is by far the hardest thing i have ever done and it makes it alot easier having support instead of skepticism around.

OK ok. that's where it's at today.

I'm off to finish my coffee with my hubby and son nap and my lil lady sings away in her crib. it's a good moment <3 p="p">

29 things to do while I'm still 29. 6 months to get these done

1. Take a cooking class
2. Read The Chronicles of Narnia
3. Take out my sewing machine and at least learn how to set the tension
4. Go to Airdrie to see my PS
5. Get more sleep
6. Shower more
7. Get better at asking for help
8. Sing to my kids more
9. Listen more
10. Let go of a few people I've been working on letting go of for awhile
11. Take my vitamins
12. Try a new wine a month
13. Plan my vegas bday
14. Do at least 10 things I've pinned on Pinterest
15. Breathe more
16. Actually make it through Jillian Micheals 30 Day Shred
17. Be more concious of how I speak to my children
18. Get my husband 'fixed'. You know. Momma is done ever being pregnant again
19. Write letters
20. Try new foods
21. Do a cleanse
22. Be done breastfeeding
24. Take better care of my feet
25. Talk to my dad on the phone more
26. Have a date with my grandma
27. Be more consistant in friendships
28. Show my husband I love him more
29. Worry less about what people think of me

babes & success!

ok so here's the thing about potty training. basically as soon as your child can walk people are already asking "so is he/she potty trained yet?" i don't know why but somehow as a mother it feels like the biggest defeat to answer no. in all the times i was asked i knew W wasn't ready yet, but still hearing that question never made it easier. it's like "oh so your child wont eat fruits or vegetables?" i know i know. i'm reading way to much into it. but really here i am entrusted with this humanbeing and he's still wearing a diaper? he wont eat fruits, veggies or even meat much? he throws fits and bangs his head on anything in sight? lol. oh yes, as a mom i'm trying a swear. haha.

anyways i wanted to post some positives here. while we were away on our crazy whirlwind 6 days in BC i crossed paths with a lady who runs a daycare and basically gave me a 'how to potty train'. it was bizarre to say the least. we were strangers and within 2 minutes were talking about essentially doing that potty dance. ha. i was inspired. here i was camping and BLAMO! here was my how to on potty training. so it's day 6 and we're batting about a 70% toilet to 30% accidents. i'm pretty excited about that! i'm proud of my little man. I know that we will continue to have to work on this for a long time and most days it will take patience i need to find but we are getting somewhere! i'm so proud of him. looking back i know we started at the perfect time. we were both ready so we started.

also the child will now eat hamburgers, hotdogs, chicken and an assortment of fruits and vegetables as long as there's dip! i'll take it! No scurvey or rickets for us ;)

LITTLE RED:

ok so as some of you have read we thought MacKenzie was lactose intolerant and it turns out she is. as much as this is totally uncharted territory for us i'm really happy to know that this is what was happening and that we can work towards finding milk replacements / substitutes that she loves. Ah i love when things start making sense.

now on to the sleep. so i don't know what it was about being away but when we came home as exhausted and out of routine we were i decided this was a fresh start. time for this babe to sleep through the night. time to not get up every 2-4hrs for a feed. she's 10 months old (WHAT??? she's already 10 months old?) and she can do this. so for the last 5 days i've been letting her cry it out. after awhile i go in and cuddle her a bit and she'll go right back to sleep without a feed. it's so good. there was even a night she slept right through till 6! yes i am a proud momma. so it's been either 1 wake up or sleeping anywhere till 5:30-7am. ah it is delicious!

oh and i forgot to mention that wyatt now thinks it's a great idea to sleep in until 6:45/7!

of course there are hard moments and hard days but reflecting on the amazing things happening is so good.

2 year old tyrants (no one tells you about the toddler years)

so i don't know where we turned this corner or what happened, but somehow i have a 2 year old tyrant running my household and it's bringing out the worst in me. there is screaming, headbanging, fit throwing, crying and just plain loosing your mind at ever corner. don't get me wrong. of course i love my little man and he can be sweet, smart, creative, caring and so much fun. but there is definitley a whole lot of dr.jekyll & mr. hyde these days. it's 0-100 in 2 seconds. there's no reasoning, no rationalizing, no major clue as to what went wrong. the tantrums can go on for hours and i'm not gonna lie it pushes a momma over the edge, across the bridge and down the lane.

ah just take a step back
count to 10
take deep breaths

well guess what this way harder than labor. i mean sure people tell you that there will be sleepless nights and picky eaters, teething etc etc. but this is a whole new level.

so people out there contemplating on having a child don't forget how ugly the toddler stage can be too. it wont last forever but right now 5 minutes is long enough. i dream of a day where we can balance things out a bit, step away from being pushed over the edge and down the lane. this is by far the most challenged i've ever been. he got his stubborness and impatience from me. i'm staring the toddler unrationalized version of me in the face on a daily basis and man oh man.

here's hoping no one looses it in the next 5 minutes

sleepless on 21st ave

clearly the worst/best form of torture is being sleep deprived. oh and it could be listening to really bad music as well. or the nightmare where you think you've shown up somewhere naked and you really have and you can't leave you're stuck there with everyone you've admired, crushed on, been friends or enemies with and you don't have any clothes on.

in our house when it comes to teething babies and sleep it's like going to a greyhound race. there you are running along and that bunny is dangling right in front of your face pretty much making you crazy. so far we haven't been the chosen ones where teething is "no big deal" for our kids or all of a sudden surprise there's a tooth. nope not us. so this is how bed time goes....i'm running along chasing that bunny. i almost catch it AKA fall asleep and it's pulled away. so really the crying begins. or the rabbit is in my mouth. i get the slightest taste of the sweet sweet sleep. you know that just settling in falling asleep thing. yup and then ripped away from me. W wasn't a great sleeper till just before he was 1. basically when he was running around everywhere all day long...then he would crash. it's seems as though his little sister is following in the same footsteps. don't get me wrong they do have their better days. ANYWAYS. thanks to top tooth #2 it's been too many nights in a row of that sweet sleep being ripped away from me. I cannot survive day after day of 2-3hrs of sleep a night. the basics are breaking down. you know. the talking, walking & making sense etc.

on the same note right now they are being amazing. they both ate all their breakfast in record times, they're playing together, watching the backyardigans and no one is crying or screaming.

so off quickly i will go to make a cup of coffee and enjoy this moment before anything changes.

xoxo KK

What my dreams are made of:

-Peeing alone
-8hrs of straight uninterrupted sleep
-Eating something I cook while it's still warm
-Eating sitting down
-Days without floating pollen
-A cooking fairy
-A laundry fairy
-A house cleaning fairy
-A grocery shopping fairy
-A manicurist on hand since my polish lasts a day
-A skinnier body double
-A mute button

Well a girl can dream

Remembering to shop my closet...the battle of KK vs. Shorts con't.

It's that time of year again...you know the one where you need to start baring those crazy white legs to the world. And as we can't walk around naked what the heck are we gonna put on them. Having kids changes ones style massively. I mean there's no excuse for the endless days of sweats but there is a time when you need to pull it together a bit.

As summer approaches I've been in a straight up anxiety attack trying to find clothes I like & that fit me. The body does a lot of changing. Almost 30 and two kids...time to work on a few things. I'll save that for another day. Anywho! If I can at all cost I will avoid trying to shop for pants/shorts etc. today after shopping and successfully finding a few new tank tops, a couple of shorter summer dresses and an awesome Maxi dress I was happy bit still had lost a part of the war. No shorts. So after everyone FINALLY fell asleep for a nap it clicked that I had a bag of old summer clothes in the basement. OH YES! 4 pairs of shorts that fit amazingly & a bunch more tops. All in all highly successful!

oh man. i don't even know how to change a diaper

ok so i've started writting 4 different times this morning and they've all turned out to be complain-fests so i'm choosing not to publish any of them. sure there will always be crap hitting the fan in one form or another but in those times where seriously all i can do is think of the things we're lacking or what's gone wrong in the day, it's time to push myself to change my thinking. there is so much good. i can't let it just all pass by and not be noticed because of the few pieces of crap that has hit the fan.

growing up i was the girl that never wanted to babysit. i took the babysitting course because my mom said it would be a good idea and really when you're 12 you just do whatever your parents make you do. haha. so after the babysitting course i avoided babysitting like the plague. but we went to a church at the time and of course there were families with kids that needed a babysitter. i would always avoid all child related situations. i didn't want really any reason to have to hang out with little kids. one day a couple asked my mom (not me) if i could babysit for them and of course because my mom thought it was a good idea there i landed up babysitting. see well that right there. those two kids who were pretty well behaved and easy to entertain and get along with sealed the deal. i did not want to have kids. that was it. cut and dry. plain and simple. when i was at bible college there was a missions trip we could choose to go on for a month after school was out. i chose India. i love to travel and india was somewhere i always have wanted to and still want to go to. India got cancelled and my destination was changed to Hungary. the objective of the trip was to primarily work with children. OY! let me say it again for you, OY! so there i was. i loved those kids and somehow on that trip was a kid magnet. Still no wanting of the offspring. nope not me. getting married my husband knew i didn't want to have kids. i said sure who knows maybe one day but really i don't want them and don't think it's for me. i mean there are those people that just have that 'i'm a mom gene'. i didn't find myself to be one of those people. so we got married and there weren't any offspring plans. i was really lucky in making these choices and feeling this way about not wanting to be a mom that no one bugged me about it. no one was pressuring asking when the time would come or saying how nice it would be to have grand-babies etc etc. pretty much they let me be. it was about just before being married for a year a light switch went on in me. i wanted to have kids. two exactly. no more and no less and i would like to be done having them before i turned 30. there it was plain and simple. still no huge desire to be a mom or any clue how to do anything with babies/children (when wyatt was born i didn't know how to change a diaper and phil had to teach me how). after having a miscarriage May 2009 we found out we were pregnant with Wyatt July 1 2009 & we found out MacKenzie was on her way Jan 4 2011. Here we are, two kids and I'm 29. every day motherhood scares the shit out of me but it is beyond my greatest joy. it is the toughest and the most rewarding i've ever been a part of. i pray they take the best of me and leave the rest behind. i pray they know they are loved and that they are capable of accomplishing everything they want to. my life is totally different than i ever thought it would be and i wouldn't change a thing. nope not a thing. thanks for choosing me as your mama my little monkeys.

xo KK

warming up

sitting on the deck with the sun shining at my back. i love the way the sun can really warm you up. in our lives we all have winters and we need that spring and summer to come. there's the time where we've been cold for awhile and kept inside with the curtains drawn and we just need that sun. i used to view the sun alot differently than i do now. for me it was a constant religious comparison of looking and wanting someone, that spiritual being to warm me up. it's not any more. i'm not where i was a few years ago in mind set, lifestyle, spiritual beliefs or location. i'm not there. like us being in AB right now there is a tentitive plan that we will go back to BC. we think. we hope. well we hope for now. if you would've asked me 5 years ago what my hopes would be today they would sound a lot different. i had a way i thought my family would look and i thought i knew who the people in our lives would be. turns out i was probably a good solid 68% wrong. i'm not saying that out of dissappointment at all. we can always have hopes for the future but realistically we need to keep our minds open that our hopes today may not be my hopes tomorrow. these days my hopes are a lot more simple. it's 10am sunday morning and i'm having my favorite kind of "church" with my favorite people. Kenzie is napping upstairs, Wyatt is playing around the yard and Chico is sitting next to me in the sun. this is the goodness of life. the husband gets off work early today and we get to chill out and putz around the yard and go to the park. i love days like today where i've felt cold for awhile and i can feel myself warming up. sleep helps with that too. these last few days (minus last night) Kenzie has only been getting up twice and sleeping from 8-7. it's been pretty amazing. i've had time for me at night and more sleep. ah sleep. if you don't have enough sleep nothing looks clearly, everything is cold, toddlers are more likely to push you over the edge and you could really just rip everyones heads off.

my thoughts aren't done but I'm in need to play the role of bicycle repairman.

xoxo KK

children eating...or the lack thereof

lets start with the bebe. so as we were approaching her being 6 months i was getting more and more excited about the time coming ahead of her trying new foods. cereal (pablum), some fruits & veggies. as i've been breastfeeding her exclusively i was really stoked and possibly getting a little feeding relief from my growing monkey. feeding someone every 2-3 hrs will wear ya down. yup we did the pumping and trying to get her to drink from a bottle but just like her brother nope nope no go on the bottle. we did this and that and a million + 1 suggestions that books, dr & people had for us. really because it would be nice to go to a movie or out for dinner with a friend...or lets face it, some days just be away for more than 2hrs round trip. so yes i was getting excited for food. when W was about 5 months we started him on cereal with a little fruit & veg and he LOVED it. it was so great. such an awesome adventure seeing this little one gobble something up that wasn't me. lol. so yup in my naievity i thought wow these two will be on the same course for this as they've been so similar in many other ways. when it comes to liking cereal or really ANY babyfood so far they are totally different. he loved it and she hates it. i've tried every brand of cereal, mixing it with different things and just a plain old no way mom. her lips are pushed together as tightly as they can go. it is locked RIGHT UP.

so lets move to W. basically they are at the same spot. i come up with ideas of things for them to eat/try, i budget, i buy, i prepare and i get shut down. can't get either one of them to eat. W could easily only eat cherrios, apples jacks, crackers (wheat thins, veggie thins, triscuits), multigrain tostidos, fruit snacks, granola bars (sometimes), craisins, raisins, pretzles, fries, cheeseburgers, chicken strips, peach cups & peanut butter (in a spoon or on some bread). i keep trying other things to see if he'll eat them. we cook together. i give him what we're having, i'll let him pick things off my plate and nothing changes the situation that he is not interested.

so this is where the eating of lack thereof comes in. as a mom it's so frustrating to try and figure these things out. not wanting to have a picky picky kid. i want a mellow one that loves to eat and sleep. HA! well my little action packed adventurers keep me on my toes.

on this occasion if you've got suggestions i'm open to them. especially on the bebe food front as i really want her to try something! anything! as for the toddler...well he's a toddler and to know them is to love them...and learn to be ok with the craziness and rejection a little more every day.

xoxo KK

ps. i love my kids

a few of my favorite things 18/04/2010

caramel light water american misto - most days this keeps me alive
cat power - we took a little break from eachother but our love it back and stronger than ever
family nap time - or when naps actually happen for me...ah sleep
more than 2hrs of sleep in a row - this can be easily be taken for granted
my kiddies learning to play together - it wont last forever that they love eachother and aren't fighting so i'll take it while i can
date night - enough said
peeing with the door closed and in the bathroom by myself
coconut ice cream
gossip girl, greys anatomy, millionaire matchmaker, master chef, million dollar listings, sons of anarchy, mad men etc etc.... - there really is a lot of tv i love
classic rock - music wise i could very easily fit into the late 60's & 70's
successfull non-crying / meltdown grocery trips - pretty sure my son would be happy if he never entered another store again
my precious - iPhone
a good steak
non chipped nail polish - usually in bright red or hot pink
tropical green tea
nanaimo bar ice cream
cheap gas
easy days with the kids
my new house & deck  - lovin it

quick moments when i can write things down...notice the things you love today. these are just a few of mine

a little letter to my best friends

so when we first found out we were moving i started off by doing everything in my power to spend as much time with people that I could. trying to work with everyones schedules and then the wild card of having kids that seems to constantly change my plans (i'm hoping this will change). i would say that at the beginning of only having a month left i started off strong. i was seeing anywhere from 1-3 people who i LOVE a day. squeezing it all in. just making sure i could take every moment. half of those moments i felt like i was in a daze or asleep...in sort of a complete denial that it was happening and we were actually going. so as the days went on and the weeks less and less plans were made. i was busy with packing and kids and solo parenting for a month and the friends were busy with their lives too. the closer the move date came the harder it was to make a plan. what were we going to do? declare our last affections & laugh together. i know i'm seeming pretty dramatic but i didn't know what to do. it just couldn't be "normal" you can only talk & think about leaving these people you love so much before you just don't want to do it anymore. most days it was easiest to just pretend i was packing my house up for fun (fun right i know. lol) or that we were moving in town. possibly in this alternate universe i was living in i could move and take all my friends with my like a Polly Pocket or Phil would just have this amazing job in Kelowna and we'd catch a break.

three days before we moved a few friends had planned a big birthday dinner / party that celebrated a few of our march birthdays and would be sort of like a final goodbye from us to a few of them. 1 hr before the dinner started i called and cancelled. that's right. cancelled on my own birthday dinner and goodbyes. i couldn't do it. sure then i blamed it on everything i could. the kids were fussy (which they were), phil & i were exhausted (which we were) etc etc. but really i didn't want to sit in a room with a few of my favorite people knowing i was leaving them so soon. just couldn't do it. there was no more energy left in me to pretend that this would be ok & easy.

being away from my closest friends changed the dynamic of a friendship so much. the closest thing we get to a normal casual hang out is random back and forth texting. the phone thing is still awkward because we are not phone people. it's either texting or face to face. it's not feeling like enough lately. i don't want to be that annoying pop up on your phone that's "hi there how are you?...blah blah blah" yes this is an adjustment. we've made this commitment to our family to help us get ahead and to all be together. sure we said 3-5years but it could be 1year to the possibility of never moving back.

i know i will make new friends and i've already started that but nothing will replace these friends who've been my family, my confidants and have absolutely walked with my through my highest and lowest points. no explainations are ever needed for laughter or tears. singing loudly along to whatever music, getting tattoos together, painting, road trips, countless coffee dates, breakfast dates, bottles of wine. you've seen me through being single, engaged, married, pregnant & a momma. we've grieved together and looked for new hearts. we've walked on spiritual journeys together and still question what it's all about. there is nothing like a good friend. good friends can recover from a good blow and i've had them with all my friendships at one time or another. those are the ones worth fighting for.

so here we are revising what it looks like to be best friends & distance wont change that (fingers crossed)

xo KK

ps. I'm not into video chat so you'll just have to remember what i look like <3

my contentment comes in a cuddles & a cup

well yes my birthday was a few weeks ago. really between us moving, adjusting to a new 21/7 work schedule of the hubs, the lovely financial strain from moving and well just being bloody exhausted we decided to wait for more a bday celebration. on my birthday i got to do whatever i wanted to. haha. i was offered a lot of options but in the end chose hanging out with my sick kiddies (the beginning of them being sick for 2 weeks) get coffee, go to the park and yes we shopped at costco and had a hot dog and poutine for my fabulous bday dinner. honestly i wouldn't have changed it at all. it was low matinenace and i was with my little family.

*side not. i really cannot say enough about how awesome it is to have phil (husband) home every night. yup the days are long and some nights he's beyond exhausted but he's always there to help, tuck the kids in, help with making sure they actually eat at supper time and hang out with me. i am loving it. sure there is the countdown every month for the one week off but having him home every night and not having to have the majority of our conversation be via text and a phone call a day is just so amazing and is doing awesome things for our family.

ok ok back to the bday

so on my bday phil surprised me by coming home early with a huge boquet of flowers and two bottles of my favorite wine. AH i love me some Red Bicyclette Syrah. so we decided to celebrate more when he was on days off and we didn't have to rush through things and be exhausted. i am someone who most of the time likes to be surprised by what i get for a gift....this year i wanted to pick. i knew what i needed / wanted and so really that'd be the best choice..haha.

so momma got a Keurig Platinum to hopefully avoid reheating coffee 3x a day and actually have a good cup & clothes. Now the clothes part is a journey. I am soooo picky. we went shopping yesterday and luckily for me all the pants i had tried on didn't fit. they were too big. it was pretty awesome. but i was ready to be done shopping so i stuck with the shirts i picked out that fit great and pants will be revisited another day. honestly i could shop for someone else for days but when it comes to me i like to keep it short and move right along. usually cause things don't fit and you can only do that for so long.

then we had lunch and a Knorr family nap. it was great. priorities really have changed and i wouldn't change it one bit.

i'm really missing my friends lately. (a whole nother blog needs to be written about this) if you're reading this...love you peoples.

well here we go. both kids rooms need to be cleaned and their clothes changed out to the next size up AGAIN and of course more laundry. hopefully we'll get out a bit this afternoon.

till whenever i write next

xoKK

Not knowing how to deal with "me time"

So here I am. I finally got what I wanted. Or what I thought I wanted anyways. I'm put getting my hair done, drinking coffee, reading trashy magazines and I've already fallen asleep in the chair twice. And...all I can think about is how I miss my little ones. Wondering constantly how they're doing. Possibly at this point I am far more dependent on them then they are on me. That need to be needed. That need to fix, comfort and help. Really? Here I thought man I just need a break. I just need to get out and here I am getting out and siting in an amazing salon in a tearing mess.. Identity is a strange thing.

one should never reheat their coffee this many times...

i am a mother begging my child to take 30 minutes and watch tv. go ahead. judge judge away. today i have sat barely, not done my hair, not napped, cleaned the house too many times to have it all land up looking like junk moments later and i've reheated my cup of coffee 3 times. i repeat. i have reheated my cup of coffee 3 times. it just keeps happening. that sweet sweet coffee that most often helps my eyes to stay open and my thoughts to stay in a somewhat stream has been reheated and tastes like death. and i my friend am drinking this coffee in hopes that no matter what it tastes like it'll work like it usually does. there was a day i was so picky about my wine and coffee. today if it's hot or comes from a bottle i'm willing to take a chance. and if it's doesn't taste great but i seem to be achieving the same effect...i keep on drinking. this people is the real motherhood.

dear moms who look like they have it all together i know your secret. don't worry i am on my way to the store with two kids in tow to pick up that YSL under eye concealer. No we're not sleeping but we can find a way or two to hide it. dear child please have a nap so i can shower, please watch Mickey Mouse so I can drink the coffee without you attacking me and then me spilling it on both of us resulting in oh so much more laundry.

it's become pretty hard these days to some how make "me time". yup i'm selfish. i need time for me and i need it stat! moving to a new place with family nearish but all busy with their lives and working full time, not knowing any babysitters yet or new friends who i can pawn my kids off on and a husband working 12hrs a day 21 days straight doesn't leave a  lot of "me time" opportunities. by the time the possibility of "me time" rolls around i am so exhausted and it's late so i slump into bed and there i stay until someone cries...which doesn't seem to take very long these days.

most jobs have a start time, break time, lunch time, coffee time & time to go home. sure you may mentally take your work home with you but if you don't have the chance to leave work at all, thats when things start to get a little scarry. those moments when you're beyond frustrated and you catch yourself or lets be honest you don't see how badly you're handling something until a bit later. i have had too many of those moments lately. my vision is blurry and my reactions are far to quick and slow. momma needs a breather. all that being said i do have small moments in the day i need to take less for granted. that and i need a keurig and to start promising myself and the coffee to not reheat it so many times. it's just not right.

so i'm on the count down. two more days until the hubs is home for a week. excellent. i WILL be taking quite a bit of "me time" in there...so help me god.

xo KK

The perfect form of torture

Ok ok, like I said before there is a likelihood of me posting often about how sleep deprived I feel more than you want to read about....

Anyways all crazy world issues aside I think the best way to torture someone is to deprive them of sleep for days, weeks and months on end. I can honestly say in the last 3 months I could count on one hand how many times I've had more than 3 hours of sleep in a row. If its not the baby it the toddler, if it's not the toddler it's the constant running of a million thoughts in my head. Awake awake awake. Yes I have had chances here and there for naps and the husband gets up at night to help the kids too. But when I hear the cry out I lay there. Even if I'm still in bed I am awake and wanting so desperately to sleep.

Yes I've heard about all the sleep theories and practices and we've tried a lot of them. But when your babe needs comfort you comfort them.

So this is my morning rant. I'm off to make some exceptional coffee and have an awesome day!

xo KK

PS. Any time this torture wants to stop, I'm more than ready.

something to read before you read...if you continue to read that is

i’m not too sure what this anxiousness is that prevents from just writting stuff down. it’s like when i start i feel as though i need to have something amazing planned out to “say”.

really what’s going to happen here folks is a rambling of thoughts. yes i will probably talk more about what’s going on with my kids, my lack of sleep and how i need to find something to do than you want to hear.

but that’s where it’s at. time to learn to write/blog for me and not for someone else and how they will take it. most of my days right now are spent saying now, don’t touch that, be gentle, slow down and wow i’m tired…so maybe this is just some writtings that need to find some adults eyes/ears. one can only handle so much disney junior & diapers.so here i am.

new city, new time of my life…new adventure. also in this blog there will most likey be spelling mistakes, incomplete sentences and grammatical errors, so if you’re really PO’d about stuff like that and plan on correcting me….dont read any further,i’m off to wrestle the allegator attached to my side, clean the bathrooms & bake cookies

xo KK