The Happiness Chart

This last week we started something new in our house in desperate need to try and find something, anything to help out this stage with W&M that seems to be full of non-stop tantrums. I know, it's tough to be 2&3, but there has to be a way to harness the rollercoaster if emotions and reign them in a tiny bit. 

It may just be these two but they are obsessed with wanting to go to the Golden Arches for the play place and some fries and the Dollarstore. OBSESSED! Like it is their happy place. And they want to go there EVERY day. Well we all know that's not going to happen. So every time they would ask and we would say no because we were just there the day or two before or earlier that week all chaos would break loose. I had had enough. There needed to be a reward system for this. Like go to work, work hard for a week or two and get a pay check and then buy something. Work=result. 

So we started the happiness chart. With the help of dltk.com I made up a super simple 1 week chart for each kid. 7 days of the week and 3 times of the day (mornings, afternoon & evening). Easy. If they were good and happy and sharing in those times they got a happy face. If not they got a sad face. Now I am not expecting perfection, lack of emotional rollercoasters, no fighting over toys etc. But we are really wanting to improve on how long the recovery time takes when the hard times hit. Getting upset is fine, it's good to express how you're feeling. But it's important to learn why you're feeling that way and be able to make peace with what happened, talk about how you feel and turn it around. 

With the way things were going I really thought well if we could get 10 happy faces in a week than they would get a reward. So far W (who is almost 4) understands this better than M (only 2). When things get crazy and he gets upset we talk about it and remind him that we can change and choose to make this a happy time. We can share, talk, help out and make a choice to change how we feel. 

Today is day 4 and the little man has 10 happy faces on his chart. So a treat tonight it is. The more we do this, more happy faces will be required to make the goal. 10,15,20 etc and the goals/rewards will change over time. 

I don't know what will happen next week, but this week this worked. I'll take it. 

The Ugly T word

I am seriously not a fan of transition. If I could I would like to blink my eyes and BAM be on to the next thing. The transitions from having the hubs work out of town or in town. For a few years well 4 really almost straight we fully relied in Phil working out of town. It's the life you get used to. Some people wonder oh how do you do it? Well you just do. It's not easy, but you make it work. 

It's been 8 months since he was working back out of town on a consistent basis and we're back at that point again. Luckily it's a great turn around. 14 days away but a full 7 at home which will be so awesome. There are so many people who do longer stints and we've been in those times before, but with the age of our kids we like to keep the max around 14 days away.

So here we go again. He leaves Thursday and it's back to Skype, texts and phone calls. It's always the first 2 and the last 2 days that are the hardest. We will make it, get back in the mode and transition through....AGAIN. 

it will end. i promise

it feels like for the last 3 years my entire life has mostly centered around dealing with teething and potty training. the stress of did you go? didn't you go? do you have to go? are you teething? why wont you just sleep etc etc. anyways today is a revolutionary Friday. it's been over a week now of mornings being diaper free and usually only 1 accident! i mean i am completely stoked on that! really! she's rocking it. i think probably because this time around when it came to potty training i was way less of a stress case. i knew when the timing was right she would want to make it happen and it's looking like that's now. who knows what will happen later today or this afternoon but i'm gearing up to no diapers unless it's sleep time for miss M starting today. W has now been completely diaper free day and night now for a month! it's been a pretty exciting time for me as you can tell. Oh and we have all of M's 2 year molars in now! what's that you say?!?!?  WE'RE DONE TEETHING! it happened. actually i was feeling like this was never going to end. the thing with having two kids 18 months apart (besides being completely crazy) is that all the milestones seems to mush together and some definitely take longer than other. but we're here. feeling positive and a bit on the other side. and we're soother free! oh AND BOTH KIDS SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!! i mean i actually got 7 hours of sleep with no one crying, not having to check on anyone and no one sleeping in our bed. I do realize that this can all change in a moment as I've probably slept through the night less than 20 times in the last 3.5 years. but i need to right this down. i need to enjoy. i need to celebrate!

so be encouraged. if you're kids aren't sleeping they eventually will. i mean some people win the sleep lottery and some don't. sometimes they need a little calms forte (homeopathic) kids sleep aid to help them rest and settle while all that growing and changing is happening. the teething will end. really it has to. and advil or Tylenol or many other natural remedies are your best friends. why torture them or yourself thinking oh hey we'll all just tough it out. i mean when's the last time you had a tooth ache? this is way worse than that toothache you had and you took drugs, complained a lot and saw a dentist who was able to fix your problem. taking away a soother now just be persistant. you can do it. they can do it and it'll happen. just stick to your guns.

this wasn't meant to be instruction or a how to. just keep hope. you can do this and they can do this too. a lot of the times these little people are much stronger than we give them credit for.

i am thankful for change, for results and the sleep i got last night. time to make a coffee and make sure there isn't any pee on the carpet.

XO KK

I am thankful for the coffee about to run through my veins

Alright splitting headache, it's really time for you to take a hike. I mean I know you were up almost all night with two crying kids to keep me company but you can leave now. See they've traded their hysterics for down right grumpiness and a general overtired bad attitude. So really I just want to make a cup of coffee, drink it while it's hot and hopefully stay awake. I mean sure, the kids really don't think it's a good idea for mommy to have a solid nights sleep so they take to the constant wake ups to just keep things on schedule and exhausting. Good thing they're super cute. Like really. 

Yes this is a bitchin note, cause really there's only so much reality you can put in a Facebook status before you have a bunch of annoying people leaving ridiculous unasked for advice. 

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours. Or you know, just drink enough coffee to get you to the wine.

KK 

the cusp of more change....life is good

So many little changes have been happening in our family lately that I really need an outlet to put them all down. Not just for you to read but mainly for me to write down and be able to come back to them years down the road and look at where we were and how things were going.

To sum things up briefly, I now have a 3 & 2 year old. Saying that our home is mostly in chaos at a very loud volume would be a complete understatement. In the last month alone we've started playschool, completely gotten rid of diapers day and night with W, started potty training Kenzie (most days and just in the morning...lol, because usually by the end of the day my patience is gone and it's not fair to any of us) and we've taken the last soother away. It's been a big learning curve around here for all of us.

We're still here. 5 years of marriage in, 2 kids, living now in Edmonton Alberta, 30 and feeling like we're settling into this life thing a bit.

KK

p.s. following blogs wont always be as mellow. some will be a rant. some will be completely opinionated and really who knows.

the threenager

recently things have gotten a lot more intense. the tantrums are at a whole new level. the simple things like yes the grass is green with a reply of "NO IT IS NOT! IT HAS A TINY BIT OF YELLOW IN IT!!!". the volume button has been cranked. the alligator tears are out. there are now words they're not allowed to say. not that they weren't allowed to say these words before but now they say them and all the time. it doesn't matter what gets taken away, how many cuddles or given or how long of a time is spent in time out. nope we are at a whole new level of irrational. I mean of course the cute is cuter and the smart is smarter. the kind is kinder, lovelier and sweeter. He's learnt how to officially declare opposites. "I love you Wyatt." "I do not love you Momma". "You are smart buddy" "No I am not smart" and the list goes on.

You know that lesson we all learnt in kindergarten or grade one about prickelies and warm fuzzies? I think it was a 7-1 ratio. If you had one prickelie it took 7 warm fuzzies to erase it. The lesson comes up again as we get older about bullying and self image. Basically the long short of the story is that for everything said to someone that hurts their feelings it takes a lot to make that hurt lessen.

Parenthood is no exception. We know that what we say to our kids shape and form them. We do our best to soak it all in. You are smart. You are kind. You are special. You are funny. You are important. You are loved. You are creative. You are so awesome...etc. When you hear your kids saying mean things to themselves or each other it's heart breaking. And when the "I don't love you. Leave me alone. You don't love me and I'm a bad boy" come out it's more than heart breaking. It leaves us a bit dumbfounded. I know this is a stage. I know we are entering a new emotional milestone etc but if my heart could feel differently that would help.

those who love you the most can hurt you the most. it's amazing and terrifying all at the same time.

KK

PS. Dear Threenager,
Lets take a break from the insanity for a little while.
I love you and I know you love me too.
Momma

looking for lost parts

So lately more than ever i've been feeling the itch like i have to get away & feel a little something more like "myself". those moments when you close your eyes and think of leasurely drinking coffee, sleeping in and taking a shower sometime during the day because you don't have to worry about your kids coloring all over the walls, eating dog food, injuring eachother or burning down the house.

i've been wanting so badly to go home and see my old friends, go to the places we always used to go and just spend time together. pretty much anything more than the crazy constantly interrupted phone conversations or a text here or there we've had over the last year.

then last night the anxiety came crashing down on top of me like a tidal wave. could i really leave my kids? i've only been without wyatt for one night twice. once when i was in the hospital having Mac & another time for a sleepover at Nana's house. that's it. and as for Mac she has never had a full day or night without me. so there i was laying in bed at 11pm and going over everything a million times in my mind. i know. perfect time to try and sort some serious anxiety out. NOT. i haven't really been without them. maybe this is all sounding a little pathetic. i don't know. but over the last 3 years i've transformed from someone who did whatever i want whenever i wanted to, to someone's who's every move is now dependent on my little people. i love them more than anything. i can't imagine my life without them. but somehow i'm feeling so lost.

i've lost who i was or most of what i see from who i was and now i've become someone else, or an adapted version of me. i don't under stand it. i see pieces of me in little places but a lot has changed, almost everything. i know if / when my little peoples will be apart from me that they'll be with great amazing people who they love and who love them and will be taken care of amazingly. it's me.

it's a complete fear of falling apart without having someone elses every move needing to be considered and cared for. maybe it's the challenge i need? maybe it's something that needs to wait?