The Happiness Chart

This last week we started something new in our house in desperate need to try and find something, anything to help out this stage with W&M that seems to be full of non-stop tantrums. I know, it's tough to be 2&3, but there has to be a way to harness the rollercoaster if emotions and reign them in a tiny bit. 

It may just be these two but they are obsessed with wanting to go to the Golden Arches for the play place and some fries and the Dollarstore. OBSESSED! Like it is their happy place. And they want to go there EVERY day. Well we all know that's not going to happen. So every time they would ask and we would say no because we were just there the day or two before or earlier that week all chaos would break loose. I had had enough. There needed to be a reward system for this. Like go to work, work hard for a week or two and get a pay check and then buy something. Work=result. 

So we started the happiness chart. With the help of dltk.com I made up a super simple 1 week chart for each kid. 7 days of the week and 3 times of the day (mornings, afternoon & evening). Easy. If they were good and happy and sharing in those times they got a happy face. If not they got a sad face. Now I am not expecting perfection, lack of emotional rollercoasters, no fighting over toys etc. But we are really wanting to improve on how long the recovery time takes when the hard times hit. Getting upset is fine, it's good to express how you're feeling. But it's important to learn why you're feeling that way and be able to make peace with what happened, talk about how you feel and turn it around. 

With the way things were going I really thought well if we could get 10 happy faces in a week than they would get a reward. So far W (who is almost 4) understands this better than M (only 2). When things get crazy and he gets upset we talk about it and remind him that we can change and choose to make this a happy time. We can share, talk, help out and make a choice to change how we feel. 

Today is day 4 and the little man has 10 happy faces on his chart. So a treat tonight it is. The more we do this, more happy faces will be required to make the goal. 10,15,20 etc and the goals/rewards will change over time. 

I don't know what will happen next week, but this week this worked. I'll take it. 

the threenager

recently things have gotten a lot more intense. the tantrums are at a whole new level. the simple things like yes the grass is green with a reply of "NO IT IS NOT! IT HAS A TINY BIT OF YELLOW IN IT!!!". the volume button has been cranked. the alligator tears are out. there are now words they're not allowed to say. not that they weren't allowed to say these words before but now they say them and all the time. it doesn't matter what gets taken away, how many cuddles or given or how long of a time is spent in time out. nope we are at a whole new level of irrational. I mean of course the cute is cuter and the smart is smarter. the kind is kinder, lovelier and sweeter. He's learnt how to officially declare opposites. "I love you Wyatt." "I do not love you Momma". "You are smart buddy" "No I am not smart" and the list goes on.

You know that lesson we all learnt in kindergarten or grade one about prickelies and warm fuzzies? I think it was a 7-1 ratio. If you had one prickelie it took 7 warm fuzzies to erase it. The lesson comes up again as we get older about bullying and self image. Basically the long short of the story is that for everything said to someone that hurts their feelings it takes a lot to make that hurt lessen.

Parenthood is no exception. We know that what we say to our kids shape and form them. We do our best to soak it all in. You are smart. You are kind. You are special. You are funny. You are important. You are loved. You are creative. You are so awesome...etc. When you hear your kids saying mean things to themselves or each other it's heart breaking. And when the "I don't love you. Leave me alone. You don't love me and I'm a bad boy" come out it's more than heart breaking. It leaves us a bit dumbfounded. I know this is a stage. I know we are entering a new emotional milestone etc but if my heart could feel differently that would help.

those who love you the most can hurt you the most. it's amazing and terrifying all at the same time.

KK

PS. Dear Threenager,
Lets take a break from the insanity for a little while.
I love you and I know you love me too.
Momma