Not knowing how to deal with "me time"

So here I am. I finally got what I wanted. Or what I thought I wanted anyways. I'm put getting my hair done, drinking coffee, reading trashy magazines and I've already fallen asleep in the chair twice. And...all I can think about is how I miss my little ones. Wondering constantly how they're doing. Possibly at this point I am far more dependent on them then they are on me. That need to be needed. That need to fix, comfort and help. Really? Here I thought man I just need a break. I just need to get out and here I am getting out and siting in an amazing salon in a tearing mess.. Identity is a strange thing.

one should never reheat their coffee this many times...

i am a mother begging my child to take 30 minutes and watch tv. go ahead. judge judge away. today i have sat barely, not done my hair, not napped, cleaned the house too many times to have it all land up looking like junk moments later and i've reheated my cup of coffee 3 times. i repeat. i have reheated my cup of coffee 3 times. it just keeps happening. that sweet sweet coffee that most often helps my eyes to stay open and my thoughts to stay in a somewhat stream has been reheated and tastes like death. and i my friend am drinking this coffee in hopes that no matter what it tastes like it'll work like it usually does. there was a day i was so picky about my wine and coffee. today if it's hot or comes from a bottle i'm willing to take a chance. and if it's doesn't taste great but i seem to be achieving the same effect...i keep on drinking. this people is the real motherhood.

dear moms who look like they have it all together i know your secret. don't worry i am on my way to the store with two kids in tow to pick up that YSL under eye concealer. No we're not sleeping but we can find a way or two to hide it. dear child please have a nap so i can shower, please watch Mickey Mouse so I can drink the coffee without you attacking me and then me spilling it on both of us resulting in oh so much more laundry.

it's become pretty hard these days to some how make "me time". yup i'm selfish. i need time for me and i need it stat! moving to a new place with family nearish but all busy with their lives and working full time, not knowing any babysitters yet or new friends who i can pawn my kids off on and a husband working 12hrs a day 21 days straight doesn't leave a  lot of "me time" opportunities. by the time the possibility of "me time" rolls around i am so exhausted and it's late so i slump into bed and there i stay until someone cries...which doesn't seem to take very long these days.

most jobs have a start time, break time, lunch time, coffee time & time to go home. sure you may mentally take your work home with you but if you don't have the chance to leave work at all, thats when things start to get a little scarry. those moments when you're beyond frustrated and you catch yourself or lets be honest you don't see how badly you're handling something until a bit later. i have had too many of those moments lately. my vision is blurry and my reactions are far to quick and slow. momma needs a breather. all that being said i do have small moments in the day i need to take less for granted. that and i need a keurig and to start promising myself and the coffee to not reheat it so many times. it's just not right.

so i'm on the count down. two more days until the hubs is home for a week. excellent. i WILL be taking quite a bit of "me time" in there...so help me god.

xo KK

The perfect form of torture

Ok ok, like I said before there is a likelihood of me posting often about how sleep deprived I feel more than you want to read about....

Anyways all crazy world issues aside I think the best way to torture someone is to deprive them of sleep for days, weeks and months on end. I can honestly say in the last 3 months I could count on one hand how many times I've had more than 3 hours of sleep in a row. If its not the baby it the toddler, if it's not the toddler it's the constant running of a million thoughts in my head. Awake awake awake. Yes I have had chances here and there for naps and the husband gets up at night to help the kids too. But when I hear the cry out I lay there. Even if I'm still in bed I am awake and wanting so desperately to sleep.

Yes I've heard about all the sleep theories and practices and we've tried a lot of them. But when your babe needs comfort you comfort them.

So this is my morning rant. I'm off to make some exceptional coffee and have an awesome day!

xo KK

PS. Any time this torture wants to stop, I'm more than ready.

something to read before you read...if you continue to read that is

i’m not too sure what this anxiousness is that prevents from just writting stuff down. it’s like when i start i feel as though i need to have something amazing planned out to “say”.

really what’s going to happen here folks is a rambling of thoughts. yes i will probably talk more about what’s going on with my kids, my lack of sleep and how i need to find something to do than you want to hear.

but that’s where it’s at. time to learn to write/blog for me and not for someone else and how they will take it. most of my days right now are spent saying now, don’t touch that, be gentle, slow down and wow i’m tired…so maybe this is just some writtings that need to find some adults eyes/ears. one can only handle so much disney junior & diapers.so here i am.

new city, new time of my life…new adventure. also in this blog there will most likey be spelling mistakes, incomplete sentences and grammatical errors, so if you’re really PO’d about stuff like that and plan on correcting me….dont read any further,i’m off to wrestle the allegator attached to my side, clean the bathrooms & bake cookies

xo KK

You are what you think

If you're a parent out there you know life is manic to say the least. I know nothing beyond the toddler age here but happiness is the greatest of joys and fits of rage can come within seconds for no apparent reason. If I think I'm happy I'm happy. If I think I'm sad or upset about something that's what I am and where I stay. After a long couple nights of no sleep honestly it seems like most happiness, excitement, energy and joy are MIA. And then comes the glaring question: how is your day going to be Katie. It's up to you. I know things can go wherever they want. I can't control temper tantrums, lack of sleep or great moments of joy. It's up to me. I am what I think. So this morning while physically exhausted I'm choosing to focus on some of the amazing things in my life instead.
- two amazing healthy children
- a loving, hardworking and supportive husband who happens to be my best friend too!
- incredible friends who have become family. Always offering an ear, a helping hand, coffee, wine, sarcasm and consistency.
- my family. My love for my sisters, brother in-laws, nieces & nephews have grown so much in this past year.
- sunshine. Dear sunshine you are amazing
- good strong coffee
- a great place to live in
- food in our fridge & cupboards
- finally knowing its ok to be figuring things out, even if it takes awhile
- where I was, where I've gone & where I'm going.

This next year is going to be one of great adventure. I've got my anchor, my pirate, my birdie & my puppy. Life is good.

tired cookies

So this morning we were out grocery shopping and on the way to the grocery store lil man passed out in the back seat. Lucky daddy (hates grocery shopping) got to stay in the truck with the kids while I braved the madness as quickly as possible. All of our running around came to an end and as we were leaving our last stop after a 45 min nap Wyatt woke up. Totally in a bizarre mood we battled tantrums for the next 90 min, had lunch and put him down for a nap. He went down so easily I was convinced he was going to sleep. 75 minutes later of him chatting up a storm and clearly wanting out of his crib I gave in and we came downstairs.

And we made cookies yes we did. Making cookies with a 20 month old is interesting to say the least. We mixed the dough with our hands, licked our fingers and stole an extra peanut butter chip here and there. He swiped an unbaked cookie and chowed down.

We're tired, dirty, our tummies hurt but have some amazing cookies and Ben better memories.

An afternoon well spent

A little less conversation

A little less conversation a little more action if you please.
Inconsistency pisses me off.

Lesson to my kids: If you want good friends be a good friend. I am lucky and have great friends. My momma taught me well.

xoxo -KK