I'm really not sure how change in ones self starts. like when is it exactly that you've hit "rock bottom" so to speak. I'm not gonna go and say that i've hit rock bottom here but I really need to make a change. Since forever I've never been the "skinny girl" and really I've learnt to be ok with that. It apparent that we all want to be different. If you're skinny you want to change something, if you're fat you want to be smaller. If you're tall it's hard to find pants long enough etc etc the list really does go on forever. I feel like in my mind I want a change but in reality I'm truly afraid to just start and fail. I know that if I work out and eat better I will feel like I have more energy but I find it hard to find the energy to want to work out. Oh and working out....Geez. Where do I even start with that one. Sure in an ideal world I'd be able to go to the gym and that would be that. When am I supposed to do that? Really. I mean if I did go I could put them in child care but really that adds up to almost $80 a week...really? REALLY? Ok so here I am. I'm at home. I put on my sweatpants day after day for honest fear that I'll try on my jeans and they wont fit. There was a time pre baby that wearing sweatpants was uncomfortable. honestly. i hated it. it was jeans or nothing and now jeans just pure and simple feel like a straight jacket. Ok there is a lot of babbling and heart pouring out here. I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm writing cause I know that putting it out there somehow makes me more accountable to myself. I need to find something to do at home actively. When it's -20 outside I don't want to go for a walk and kill myself on ice. I need something to do at home indoors so I'm on a search. I'm down hearing your suggestions.
The fact that I'm a stay at home mom isn't where the ball drops on my slowly putting on weight, getting out of shape (not that i was in a great one before) but just plain and simple ot being ok with where i'm at personally or how I look. You know those phases where your skin crawls. Yes I'm there. Doing something for me. ok what?
This is a lot of jibber jabber. It's a lot of feeling and a lot of being lost.
Thats what this is for. being honest. doesn't matter what it's about but i think being honest is the beginning.
KK
Katie - I am exactly in the same place minus a few variables (like kids;) I just wrote my "20 reasons why I hate being fat" so that I can look back at it when I start losing weight and check off the things that I have seen restored. I have started back down the journey. You need baby steps. I think you also need community. If there is a way you can get to a weight watchers mtg (only 1 hour a week) start that. It's so worth the meeting and you will find support. It's real - not cheesy. Don't do online unless you have someone doing it with you.
ReplyDeleteI know that there are gyms out there that have free or cheap daycare while you work out for an hour but, I think start with food first connected to community and then exercise will come.
I started reading through my food journals and such over the last couple of days and found a quote my trainer had given me in Kelowna. Here it is: "If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad."
I know you can do this. You are not alone.
Sheri xo
Love you Sheri! WE are far apart but still journeying together
DeleteI wish I could be there to help you. I was at the exact same spot 10 years ago two little ones staying at home and feeling frustrated but not sure where to start. I remember the first weight watchers meeting I weighed in at 230 pounds I had no idea what I weighed and was devestated. Tried fad diets before but to be honest I love food and even now that I'm at my goal still use it for comfort. My leader Cheri told me to start with just one pound and I would learn how to lose the weight and keep it off forever. She was right! You are beautiful whenever I show your picture to anyone or see you on facebook it's obvious you are someone special and original I am proud to have someone like you for a sister
ReplyDeleteLove you sister. Thanks for all your support. It means alot. I've been tracking what I've been eating. It's been really good. Changing my eating habits and have started the 30 Day Shred again. Love you lots
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